Writing Your Own Wedding Vows
Your wedding vows are promises that you make to each other as a sign of your commitment to your marriage. Both religious and civil wedding ceremonies will include a ‘standard’ set of wedding vows, but there is something very special about writing your own vows.
If you are having a civil ceremony then you will find you have greater freedom over what you say. Religious wedding ceremonies tend to be less accommodating but there is still some scope to make minor changes. Although not legally binding, your wedding vows shouldn’t be taken lightly and it is worth taking some time to read through traditional vows so you become comfortable with what you will say.
If you make any changes to the vows set out in your wedding service you will need to run through them with your wedding officiant first. Make sure you do this well in advance of the wedding day to avoid any problems should the vows you have chosen be unacceptable.
Although different faiths will have different versions of marriage vows, they are all broadly the same. They require you to make a public declaration that you are both free to marry and then to make a commitment to be loving and faithful to each other for the rest of your lives. The basic vows which are used by many faiths are derived from the Protestant Book of Common Prayer and are a series of questions or statements which you will respond with either ‘I will’ or ‘I do’.
If you are having a civil wedding ceremony there is no reason why you cannot put together your own order of service. Ask the officiant or registrar for a copy of what must legally be included in the ceremony and some sample wordings to which you can add your own vows and readings.
To make your vows more personal to you it can help to ask yourselves a few key questions before you begin to write them:
• Why are you getting married?
• What does marriage mean to you?
• How do you plan to make your marriage work?
• What is it you love about each other?
• What are the qualities you most admire about each other?
• How are you alike? How are you different?
• How do you see your future together?
• What do you want to say about your relationship in front of family and friends?
• Is there a poem or song that suits your relationship that could be included?
You don’t have to write your wedding vows together, it is perfectly acceptable to write vows individually or to recite the same vows together on the day. Finding inspiration for your wedding vows can come from many sources and this is one occasion in your life when it is fine to be inspired by the words of others. Take some time to source words and phrases from poems, songs, religious texts, prose and quotes.
Finally, make sure your vows come from the heart and don’t be afraid of them sounding a bit soppy. Just make them heartfelt without being over the top and that they say something about your relationship that is meaningful without being intimate!
